Equivalent Exchange
by Little.Miss.Xanda
Summary: He never understood how people didn't grasp the beauty that came with a perfectly balanced equation. You gave something and you gained something of equal value in return. Simple. Balanced. Beautiful. If he solved this particular equation, he was sure the world would never be the same again, and if it granted him more time with his beloved, well, who was he to complain?


**Disclaimer**: Anything you recognize belongs to the incomparable J. K. Rowling. No money is being made from this.

**Written for the Quidditch League Fanfiction Competition – Season Seven – Round Two**

**Captain for the Tutshill Tornados**

**Round Two: **

Who doesn't love to travel?! The downside of the experience is the expense. One of the best ways I have found to experience a bit of a culture is through exploring their dances. It's a fun way to get moving, but learn for a lower price than traveling! Feel free to visit the website that inspired the prompts:  /blog/world-dance-forms/

**CAPTAIN:** Fandango of Spain; center the story around something a character is passionate about.

**Word count: **3000

**Meaning of gemstones:** **Amber:** Disdain

* * *

**Equivalent Exchange**

Alchemy was fascinating. It was balance. Perfect in every way. As all things in life should be. You gained something; however, you needed to give something of equal value in exchange.

It was beautiful in its simplicity.

If all humans behaved like that, the world would be a far better place, he was sure.

He hummed, searching another shelf for the right book. He had seen it just last week, hadn't he?

"I don't know how you find anything in this clutter."

He swirled around, grinning from ear to ear.

"Perenelle!"

"Nicholas."

His smile dimmed at her tone. She didn't sound overly happy with him. That only happened when he forgot something important. Like her birthday. Or their wedding anniversary. He hadn't forgotten those, had he? Her birthday was in April, and they had a summer wedding, and now it was… June?

"Happy anniversary!" he said, his smile brightening again.

Perenelle's lips twitched, and he knew that whatever he had forgotten, she had forgiven him. Even though she would do her best to maintain a severe air and scold him.

"Close," she said. "It's in two weeks."

His shoulders dropped. If that wasn't it, then he had no idea what he could have done.

Perenelle sighed, a fond smile finally gracing her features. "Honestly, if I didn't know any better, I'd say you love your alchemy more than me."

"My love, my soul," Nicholas said, walking towards her and wrapping his arms around her, "you are the light of my life."

He leaned forward, laying a chaste kiss on her lips. He felt her smile against his lips and knew everything was forgiven.

"We'll be late for Mother's dinner," Perenelle told him, looping her arms around his neck.

His eyes widened. That's what he had forgotten! Well, honestly, she couldn't blame him about this one. She'd only told him about it the previous night. How was he meant to remember that? He had been about to have a breakthrough, the last thing on his mind had been the dinner with Perenelle's family.

"Are you sure she meant me too?"

Perenelle's mother wasn't particularly fond of him. Honestly, the only reason he had been able to marry Perenelle was because he was well off and Perenelle's father had had an agreement with his own father.

The fact that he'd fallen in love with her while they'd been courting was a blessing.

Before she had come into his life, there had been nothing that captured his attention aside from alchemy.

Now, he had alchemy, and Perenelle to remind him that there was life outside of that.

She smiled at him, caressing his cheek.

"Of course. It's for family."

Things were always so simple for his dear wife.

"Very well. Give me ten minutes."

"Fine, ten minutes. Don't go back to your scribbles."

He looked at her scandalized.

"They are not scribbles!"

She laughed and waltzed out of the room, and he couldn't stop a smile from pulling at his lips.

* * *

Nicholas glanced at the clock. Unfortunately, it was no closer to their departing time than previously. The fifteen minutes that had passed since the last time he checked felt more like an hour.

He should have stayed home. He could just imagine how many alchemic-equations he could have completed. He hadn't told Perenelle yet, but he was working on something new. Something that would revolutionize the world if he was able to pull it off.

He just needed to balance it.

Balance was the key.

It always was.

"What about you Nicholas?"

"I'm sorry?" he said, looking at his mother-in-law.

She smiled at him, all sharp angles and flashing teeth.

"Piers was just telling us how his business ventures are going. His potion ingredients import from India are the best on the continent." Another smile, all teeth and no warmth. "What about you? Still playing around with alchemy?" She tittered, and Nicholas had never heard a more grating sound. "Really, any competent wizard knows how utterly useless alchemy is. The ridiculous notion that we must give something in exchange to obtain something else." She shook her head, all coy and false sincerity. "Any decent witch or wizard will simply transfigure what they wish. Do you not agree?" She raised her hand to her mouth, eyes widening slightly. "Oh, I am sorry, dear. I had completely forgotten that you failed that subject and dropped out of Beauxbatons after your fifth year."

Nicholas kept his emotions in check. He had years of practice. He knew how much Melisande despised the very air he breathed. He would have remained just as calm as all the other times she'd seen fit to deride him if only Piers hadn't chuckled.

He glanced at Perenelle, who sat a little down the table, and begged her to forgive him. Her slight smile was all the permission he needed.

He smiled, just as sharp as Melisande.

"Why _Mère_," he said, knowing how she loathed when he called her that, "I wasn't aware you kept such a close eye on my academic pursuits. Piers' doing, no doubt. Then again, he always was far more interested in whatever my achievements were than to work for his own, isn't that right? Remind me again, how many exams did you fail? I'm sorry for not keeping track while we were students, but I had better things to do with my time."

He glanced at Perenelle once more, and seeing her wide grin, he continued.

"As for the usefulness of alchemy, I can't expect everyone to understand. It is, after all, a subject that has baffled even the greatest minds."

He took a moment to savor their indignant expressions. Then, eyes flitting to Estienne—his father-in-law who cared for him as much as his own father had and continued to do so when his own father had passed away—and finding nothing but support there, he continued.

"Alchemy is the very soul of magic. It represents everything magic is supposed to be. It is balance. Perfectly representing how life _should_ be. No matter what magic you practice, you _always_ give something in exchange. Even the simplest of spells demands balance. _Lumos_."

A bright sphere of light formed, and he could see Melisande's eyes widen. Few knew he could cast wandlessly. Then again, few knew anything about him beyond the rumors of him dabbling with alchemy.

"I give my magic; in exchange I obtain light. A perfectly balanced equation." He willed the light away. "Well, at least it should be. However, it is rare to find a witch or wizard capable of controlling their magic to the point of attaining such a balanced exchange. Often times, magic is wasted because the spells are overpowered. Many more times, the spells are underpowered, which is even worse. You take something and don't give the equivalent in exchange, so you get punished with weak spells or damaged cores."

He leaned forward, tracing an equation with his finger, powering it with nothing but his magic.

"Most believe alchemy to be useless because they cannot achieve balance. And alchemy, unlike rudimentary magic, doesn't work without an equivalent exchange."

He finished his equation, and the whole dining table, including everything on it, vanished. On the floor, inside a runic array, lay a polished amber ball as big as his fist. He picked it up and held it out to Melisande.

"For you, _Mère_."

He smiled, all sharp edges and flashing teeth.

* * *

"I should have known that I would find you here."

He didn't startle at the voice. Part of him had been expecting the visit. A larger part of him had been dreading it.

Nicholas looked up, studying his father-in-law leaning against the doorframe. That was something he had always liked about Estienne—he never intruded. He always waited for permission, didn't assume that just because he was the patriarch, he could do as he pleased. It was a refreshing attitude.

If he asked, Estienne would leave. Which was why he didn't say it.

"I'm sorry," he said when Estienne took a seat on the armchair facing his.

Estienne raised an eyebrow, and Nicholas sighed.

"I didn't mean to disrespect Melisande in front of everyone. I just…" He looked away, shoulders dropping. "I know she wanted Perenelle to marry Piers."

Estienne hummed. "True," he said, and Nicholas flinched. "It is a union I would never have approved."

Nicholas turned to look at him, feeling far more vulnerable than he had felt in a long while.

"First cousins once removed is far too close of a relationship as far as I'm concerned," Estienne said. "No matter what my wife says on the matter. Besides, you love my daughter, don't you?"

Nicholas smiled. "Even if she insists that I love alchemy more than her, she's the light of my life. I cannot imagine a world without her."

Estienne nodded. "That's enough for me." He leaned back and summoned a bottle of wine and two glasses. "Now, tell me all about this new project that's been keeping you busy."

Nicholas' grin stretched. "It's amazing! I want to have it ready by Perenelle's next birthday, but I don't know if I'll be able to finish. I've never tried such complicated equations!" He leaned forward. "It's about balance! I'm sure of it! You give and you gain, right? But where's the limit? Is there one? Is it endless as long as it's balanced? If I can just find the right balance, I'll make it!"

Estienne chuckled, and Nicholas grinned sheepishly, leaning back in his armchair and nervously picking at the upholstery.

"Well, that tells me nothing," Estienne said, smiling. "Your mind is amazing, son. You need to dumb it down for me."

Nicholas blushed, though a pleasing warmth washed over him.

"The Philosophers' Stone," he said. "I'm sure I can make it."

Estienne's eyes narrowed. "It's a myth," he said. "A fool's dream for those chasing immortality. You said so yourself, alchemy is about balance. An equivalent exchange. There's nothing balanced, _natural_, about immortality."

Nicholas was already shaking his head before Estienne finished speaking.

"Not immortality," he said. "Longevity." He continued before Estienne could say anything. "Life is so short. We can hardly expect to truly see all there is to see with just a few years. We live longer than the Muggles, but even so, is it enough? There are so many things I want to do, so many secrets I want to uncover. I want to see the world with Perenelle. To explore and _live_. I…" Nicholas sighed, slumping. "I don't want forever, _Père_. I just want a bit more time."

Nicholas looked away when he saw the flash of sadness gracing Estienne's features.

"Your father was my best friend," he said, and Nicholas continued to look away. "I have known you since you were a tiny tot. You were always like this. The world at your fingertips, and even then, it wasn't enough."

Nicholas heard cloth ruffling and felt Estienne's looming presence before soft lips pressed against his temple.

"You are like a son to me." The words brushed against his skin so gently that Nicholas' heart burst with love. "I will always support you. Just promise me: don't let it consume you."

"I promise," he whispered, still looking away even while leaning against the unconditional support Estienne always willingly gave him.

Later that night, long after Estienne had gone home, and he laid in bed with his beautiful Perenelle, his mind kept wandering to his promise.

He tightened his arms around her.

One lifetime with her wasn't enough, and alchemy would make sure he wouldn't have to content himself with just this one.

* * *

His eyes widened as he stared at the equation in front of him. He was so stupid! Exchange! How could he have missed something so obvious! For the equation to balance he needed to give as much as he took. What was he taking? Time! How hadn't he seen it before? He was taking time! If he balanced time with life, it would solve everything!

He took time, and in exchange he gave life.

His and Perenelle's life.

The Stone would not work for everyone since it was his and Perenelle's lives powering the exchange, but it would balance. It would work. The more life they took, the more life they would give. Not their literal life, but their _life_—their emotions, their experiences, their memories! They wouldn't lose them, they would share, in exchange for time.

He laughed, exhilarated beyond belief.

Exchange.

Balance.

Just another equation.

He could do this.

* * *

Nicholas was jittery, more so than usual. Perenelle was over at her family's estate, where he hadn't been since that dinner almost a year ago.

Soon, though, she would be home, and Nicholas would tell her what he had been working on all these months locked away in his laboratory.

He knew she had been curious; however, she hadn't pushed him. She knew him well enough to know that he would tell her when he was ready. The trust she showed in him never ceased to amaze him.

"Love?"

His head snapped up at her voice.

"In the study," he called, and moments later she stood there in all her glory. Every day he marveled at her beauty and charm. Every day he fell a little more in love with her.

She frowned at him, walking into the study and sitting on the arm of his chair.

"Are you well? You seem a bit dazed."

He smiled, reaching up and kissing her chastely. "I am simply marveled by your mere presence."

Perenelle laughed, swatting softly at his shoulder. "You charmer."

He pulled her into his lap. "How was lunch?"

She leaned against him, resting her head on his shoulder. "Well enough. Father asked about you. He wants you to visit."

He hummed, nodding. "Next week, I'll be sure to drop by."

They remained silent for a while, and Nicholas knew he couldn't postpone it.

"I know you've been wondering what I've been working on." She leaned away from him a bit so she could look at his face. "It's…" He trailed off, looking out the window so he wouldn't have to look at her. "I love you," he said instead. "I love you more than I ever thought I could love anyone. You're everything to me and just imagining a world where I don't have you… it's enough to break me."

She cupped his cheeks, turning him to face her. Dear God, he could lose himself in those bright blue eyes.

"You don't have to imagine such a world. It will never be, my love," she said, and he believed her with all his heart.

"One lifetime with you isn't enough," he said, leaning closer. "It will never be enough." He gripped her shoulders. "If I offered you forever with me, would you take it?"

Perenelle's eyes sharpened, her brilliant mind making connections that others would overlook.

"With you, I would face eternity."

He slumped against her, relief so sharp zapping through him that it made him weak.

If there had been even a shred of doubt in her gaze, he would have destroyed his work in a heartbeat. What good would time be if he couldn't spend it with her?

Now though, they had all the time in the world before them, and Nicholas could hardly wait to start _living_.

* * *

Nicholas flinched as another scream tore through the hallway. Estienne gripped his shoulder, a steady presence at his side.

"This can't be normal," he whispered, and Estienne gently patted his back.

"It is perfectly natural."

Nicholas looked at him from the corner of his eyes, barely daring to look away from the door.

"Trust me. I went through this three times."

"She's in so much pain." It broke his heart to hear those screams.

Estienne nodded. "Yes, such is the nature of childbirth. However, when you have your little one in your arms, you'll see that all of it had been worth it."

Nicholas tried to believe him, he did, but part of him couldn't help but think that nothing was worth Perenelle's suffering.

Then, suddenly, a wail pierced the hallway, and he jumped from his seat. That, no matter what Estienne said, wasn't normal. Before he realized what he was doing, he burst through the doors.

He froze as soon as he stepped into the room.

There she was, the love of his life. However, instead of tenderly holding a wailing newborn, she was clutching a tiny body to her chest, sobs wracking her frame.

That image would be forever burned into his mind, and he could do nothing but stumble towards Perenelle and hold her as she mourned the life of their child.

* * *

He had hoped that memory would become a dark day in their past overshadowed by joyful ones.

However, the scene repeated again and again.

Time after time, killing them a little more inside.

What killed him, even more, was seeing his beloved mourn child after child after child.

He refused to touch her now. He didn't want to put her through that again. He couldn't. It would break her, and that was the last thing he wanted.

He screamed, throwing his notes off his desk, upturning the small table beside it, and shattering the little trinkets that littered its surface.

He clutched the edge of his desk, staring unseeingly at the parchments scattered in front of him. He closed his eyes, taking a shuddering breath.

Why? Why was this happening? They were supposed to be enjoying their lives. They had all the time in the world. They were meant to be exploring and living and enjoying everything life had to offer.

A sob clawed its way up his throat even as he tried to choke it down.

The parchment in front of him detailing his greatest discovery mocked him. The why stared at him in all its ugly truth.

Equivalent exchange.

Balance.

Their lives for time.

A child had never been part of the equation.


End file.
